A Timey Whimey Episode

A Timey Whimey Episode


Inside Mysterio's dimension, Mysterio and Trixie are studying the man who helped Spiderman and Twilight defeat him: Doctor Who.
He watches him through his crystal ball.


Mysterio: Crotchety. Elfin. Dandy. Bohemian. Pleasent, Open Face.  Shouty.  Scheming.  Dashing.  This is what I think of the Doctor Trixie.

Trixie: Yeah.  What a weirdo.

Mysterio: According to his history, he has plenty of bodies.  These are his previous and later incarnations.  And seeing this, I have a brilliant plan up my sleeve: Wipe the Doctor and his incarnations out of this universe FOREVER!

Trixie: Wow! That sounds like a great idea boss!

Mysterio: It sure is! HAHAHAHA!!! You think you're all so clever don't you Doctors? But all your puny intellects combined won't save you this time.. For this time you face.... YOUR GREATEST CHALLENGE!!!

Mysterio-Trixie: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


Mysterio and Trixie unleashed his magic, and suddenly, the Doctor appeared all tied up.


Doctor Who: Eh? Where am I? All right, let's assess the situation: I suddenly find out that my hands are tied to my sides, my feet are stuck in something gooey, and there's an odd "sss"ing sound coming from whatever is strapped to my head.  Call me a pessimist, but this doesn't bode well.

11th Doctor Who: Funnily enough, I was about to say that mate.

Doctor Who: What the?! You? You're captured too? *sees other incarnations* What the? There's more! What is this?


From the Doctor's eyes, he sees his longtime enemies surrounding him, chanting "It's All Gone Quiet Over There! You're Going Home In St. John's Ambulance!!" and as it turns out, the Doctor, along with his 4th, 8th, 9th, 11th, 12th, Duplicate 10th and War Incarnations are acting as candles in a cake.  And the "sss"ing sound strapped on the head was actually a dynamite.


Doctor Who: Oh pants.  I think I understood this situation...

Mysterio: *appears with Trixie* HAHAHAHA!!! Greetings Doctors! And welcome to a dimension of my own creation! I am the being who was haunted by the dreams of every sentient mind since the universe was born! I am.... the Master Of Illusion, Mysterio!!

Trixie: And his sidekick, The Great And The Powerful Trixie!

9th Doctor Who: Why have you brought us here?

War Doctor Who: How dare you pluck us from our points in the timestream!

4th Doctor Who: Are there macadamia nuts in this cake? Because I'm allergic to macadamia nuts...

Mysterio: SILENCE!!! Don't you even think about interrupting me!! This is the greatest moment of my life, and I've been looking for it for MONTHS! Today, you will face your ultimate challenge Doctors! Today, you must do battle with every single enemy you have ever defeated! All at once!

8th Doctor Who: *whispers* We're going to fight enemies we've already beaten? Do you see a flaw in this chap's logic?

Duplicate Doctor Who: Point Taken.  Who is he anyway?

Mysterio: *begins slicing the cake* I SAID SILENCE!!! Prepare for your first trial doctors!

12th Doctor Who: Hey!! Watch where you're waving that f*cking thing!

Trixie: *picks up the slice of cake* HAHAHA!! Now, you will enter into my mouth of madness!

11th Doctor Who: Well, a drop of listerine would probably help that horse breath of yours.


As Trixie ate the first slice, the 11th and 12th Doctor teleported into a space station.


12th Doctor Who: If this really is another f*cking trial, I'm bloody going home now!

11th Doctor Who: ssh! We're on a space station! Looks a bit dusty.  Perhaps I can work out our location with this equipment. *checks on computer*

12th Doctor Who: Oh cut the f*ck out with stock poses and follow me! *sees a faceless robot on a robe* FREEZE! It's a raston warrior robot! One oitee-toitee false move and we're f*cking dead!

11th Doctor Who: Actually, my potty mouthed Grandad, that's a wildean wit enforcer, and it only kills us if we make any bad puns.

12th Doctor Who: Hmm.. I see.. In that case, we're still in a lot trouble.

Davros: *appears with the Daleks* Ah, Doctors! So glad that you joined us.

12th Doctor Who: Davros!!

Davros: Observe my mighty army you fools, and prepare to meet your doom!

12th Doctor Who: Are you attempting to intimidate us Davros! You can kiss my sweaty.. *notices the 11th Doctor already running* balls? Oh what the hell.. *starts running*

Daleks: Exterminate! Exterminate! *starts shooting laser beams*

11th Doctor Who: I can't believe I'm going to become you! *runs past a contaiter has contains a fez, but runs back, removing the glass, and put the fez on his head, and continues running*

12th Doctor Who: ...I can't f*cking believe I ever was you.


In the meantime, Trixie ate the 2nd slice that contains the 9th and War Doctor.  The teleported into the world of the british soap programme Easteders.


War Doctor Who: Just follow my lead young chap, and you'll be fine.

9th Doctor Who: Trust me: I feel safer already mate.

Phil Mitchell: *kicks out and entire army of drunk sontarans* Right, I warned you apes before, you're barred!

Sontaran #1: *drunk* Aw come on mate, Is not even a last order! *sees the doctors* Oi! Doctors!

Sontaran #2: What are you looking at? You think you're hard, don't ya?

9th Doctor Who: Gentlemen, I wouldn't normally dream of taking advantage of such obviously handicapped opponents.. But when in Rome, it's completely different! KEE-HAI! *kung fu kicks a Sontaran and the brawl begins*

Stacey: Oh no, not you lot again.

War Doctor Who: Sorry about this miss.  It's a bit of a mid-life crisis for him, as I recall.


Meanwhile, the third slice that contains the 4th and 8th Doctor is eaten, and they find themselfs in a rocky area.  They seem to be chatting like normal people.


4th Doctor Who: No really, I come out in big purple hives if I so much as whiff a macadamia nut.  Believe me, it wasn't pretty.

8th Doctor Who: Oh, that sounds awful.. But hear this out: I tried out some haddock recently, and then my teeth started swelling, and I couldn't even pronounce the letter "Q".

4th Doctor Who: WHAT?! But I love haddock!

Aliens: *running towards them* Doctors!

8th Doctor Who: It's true.  That's the trouble with new bodies: different set of allergies every time.

4th Doctor Who: Yes.. Every restaurant trip, is like a round of russian roulette..

Aliens: Doctors! Prepare To die!

Slitheen: *farts* Stop shoving!

Cyberman: Delete! Me first!

Zygon: They're mine!

4th Doctor Who: I mean, I once ate a pineapple sandwich..

8th Doctor Who: *takes out Sonic Screwdriver and activates it* Oh? And then what happened?

4th Doctor Who: *takes out Sonic Screwdriver and activates it* My hair uncurled and the colour blue began to smell like swiss cheese!

Zygon: *hears a rumbling noise* Hang on! What's going on?

Aliens: *sees a pile of rocks falling on them* AIEEEEEE!!! *gets crushed*

8th Doctor Who: Boy oh boy.. Someone should find a treatmeant for this.  It's getting pretty outrageous.

4th Doctor Who: I agree! Does Gallifrey even HAVE a national health service these days?


Back to the Eastenders universe, the 9th Doctor is still kicking ass against the sontarans, while the War Doctor is talking to Dot Cotton.


9th Doctor Who: *punches a sontaran in the face* Haha! Fantastic! *punches another sontaran in the face*

War Doctor Who: Hmph.  I could do that too you know.  It's just that I don't want to.

Dot Cotton: the good book says to turn the other cheek, but how many people try that?

War Doctor Who: Huh.  That's a valid point.

Dot Cotton: You have to love thine enemy in this sinful world.. *takes out a plasma gun secretly* otherwise, what have you got? Anarchy, that's what. *gets hit by a rock* UNNGH!! *changes form revealing to be an alien*

War Doctor Who: How's that?! Heh.  Nice try Broton.  But your body odour gave you away.  No amount of shape shifting can mask the biggest sweat pores in the galaxy! *to the 9th Doctor* If you quite finished young man, I suggest we make our exit now.  I suspect that these people are getting a bit tired of us.

9th Doctor Who: Aww, already? I was just getting warmed up!

Sontaran #3: C-call it a draw?


Back to the space station, the 11th and 12th Doctor are still on the run.


12th Doctor Who: You know we're going in a f*cking circle?

11th Doctor Who: Of course I do! Just slow down, or they'll never catch up!

Davros: After them my servants! Full speed!

11th Doctor Who: *falls on floor* Oh no! I've sprained my ankle! Ugh!

12th Doctor Who: Oh move over Oliver...

Davros: HAHA! There's no escaping my vengeance Doctors!

11th Doctor Who: Yes, it looks like you got us at last Davros! I suppose you're going to enjoy killing me twice eh?

Davros: Oh, Indeed I am Doctor! You might say I'm killing two birds with one time zone! HAHAHA! *the wildean wit enforcer reacts and throws explosive arrows, destroying Davros and the daleks* AIIEEEE!!!

11th Doctor Who: Well, I heard of Capital PUNishent but-

12th Doctor Who: Do not even think about finishing that f*cking sentence!


Back to Mysterio and Trixie, they saw all the events, and they're in disbelief.


Mysterio: No no NO!!!! I had it all worked out! What happened to my brilliant plan?! I'm a failure once again! *the Doctor uses the candle and frees the Duplican 10th Doctor, and climb down* I don't even know why I'm doing all of this! I mean, why am I the villain for crying out loud? What's my motivation? Is it power? I can do anything already!

Trixie: *notices the Doctors working* Uuhh... Boss?

Mysterio: Looking back, I think I tried to hard to be liked! I guess I always felt strangely inadequate!

Trixie: *the Doctor places the candle on the fork* Boss!

Mysterio: What is it Trixie?! Can't you see I'm mourning?!

Trixie: The doctors!

Mysterio *Sees the doctors* Huh? Uh oh...

Doctor Who: Allons-y! *the Duplicate 10th Doctor jumps on the fork, making the candle fly*

Mysterio: Oh shit! *Mysterio and Trixie gets blown away* I'LL BE BAAAAAACK!! *ding*

Doctor Who: That's the end of him for a bit.

Duplicate Doctor Who: Indeed.  

11th Doctor Who: *all the doctors appear* Ah! Here we are lads! Dealt with Mysterio and Trixie have you? It took you long enough!

8th Doctor Who: I wonder.. What if those two radicals are working for someone? Who was really behind all this? It's like we're in a middle of a cosmic chess game operating on myriad levels of infinite complexity.

4th Doctor Who: Or perhaps, we're no different from Mysterio and Trixie.  Who's to say we're all not just a stream of impulses, arranged for someone else's entertainment?

12th Doctor Who: What a bunch of f*cking unmitigated oitee-toitee balderdash! I'm as real as the rock of f*cking Gibraltar!

Doctor Who: Yes, well, perhaps we shouldn't be dwelling on this, let's go and find our respective TARDISes, shall we? And if someone is playing games, let's hope that they don't start cheating.


After that, the camera zooms out, and it shows a footage through the portals.  There, the Valeyard watches them.


Valeyard: I will get you one day Doctor.  And that's a promise.


And that's the end of this story.


THE END